Why should you be dining out alone?

We can help tackle the loneliness epidemic by doing tasks alone. Sound ironic? Well, sitting in feelings of discomfort and making food a ritual cannot only better your mental health, but the entirety of Gen Z. Here’s why…

Have you come across those videos on your feed of people dining out alone? They order perhaps a coffee and pastry, or a three-course meal, or head to a tasting session with nothing but their thoughts. It’s hard not to be jealous of their bravery, but why is this not normalised? 

A TikTok video that complains that the world is built for couples or groups of people is filled with comments advising on how to make the most of your own company, but admittedly, this is easier said than done. The trend of being comfortable spending time by yourself always resurfaces in waves as a reaction to the current loneliness epidemic. According to Better Help, people often struggle to be alone if they aren’t used to having time to themselves. This can be because of feelings of trauma, fear of abandonment, or mental health struggles like anxiety and depression. 

As a reaction to this, dining out alone can foster a sense of autonomy and confidence, forcing you to step out of your comfort zone into a space for mindfulness and self-reflection. It allows you to reduce the social pressure of performance with others and lets you be authentic with a focus on emotional decompression. In essence, it is the ultimate act of self-care that can allow you to enjoy your own company on your own terms. 

There is also another slant to the trend, especially for young women in the digital world. The shame around food is exaggerated online, from extreme body standards to extreme eating habits infiltrating everyone's feeds. Dining solo removes this pressure to be a certain way around food and allows you to be free to eat how and what you want without any social reservation. You can also develop a healthier relationship with eating by focusing on yourself and food, and your own presence. 

In a book by Megan Jayne Crabbe called ‘We Don’t Make Ourselves Smaller Here’, the self-help guide to not shrinking oneself, details a section all about dining out alone, and the complex feelings, especially for women privy to a life of diet culture, that it can bring up. “I’m alone at the back of a sunlit diner,” she details. “I remember the years coloured with deep shame at the thought of ordering dessert. If I had to eat in public, there was no way I’d be caught enjoying the kind of food that diet culture placed in the ‘bad’ category. I pay and leave the restaurant, floating on the novelty of enjoying my own company after thinking for so long that doing things alone was a social failing. I walk home the long way. Me, my body, feelings and needs are more connected than ever. And we never could have gotten here if we carried on believing we weren’t allowed to eat.”

So, how can we make that first step to dining out alone? Well, you have to make that choice yourself. Picture how it would feel to walk into a café and ask for a table for one. You have the table at the window to people watch, and you have ordered a coffee and breakfast of your choice. It’s not a backup plan to being let down by friends or a date, or you have no food in the fridge at home: it’s an intentional choice. Replace any feelings of loneliness or awkwardness with those of calm and empowerment, and refer to the ‘Wheel of Emotions’ to acknowledge how you feel. 

For some, it can amplify feelings of loneliness, despite healthy solitude being a positive choice. In this case, acknowledge your disconnection and lack of support, and take steps to see how this impacts your mood and what you can do to tackle this. Steps to doing so can look like speaking to a trained professional, such as a counsellor, starting to journal, or reaching out to trusted loved ones. Be aware that whilst dining alone is a good way to tackle feelings of loneliness, it can also reinforce isolation habits by avoiding discomfort or vulnerability. Keep your social and individual time in balance, and make sure you have social plans that week. This can look like joining a gym class, a walking club, or even making sure you're checking on family and friends via phone calls – it doesn’t have to be a big and scary feat.

Make sure you remain open to those opportunities for connection! However, dining out alone can help with that. Speak to the waiter, the barman, or perhaps somebody else sitting alone at another table. There are tons of videos on how people have made connections this way, from asking about their meal, what the recommended dish is, to even just saying ‘Have a nice day/evening’ to another singular diner.

So start somewhere low-key, perhaps a place that you already know. It can be a coffee spot, café, or even a food market. A lot of people around these places are doing their own thing and darting between places, so it can feel a lot less pressure. Try and avoid your phone as this can act as a buffer to being with yourself, and instead bring a grounding activity such as a book or journal, or even better, have a look out the window. This can calm your nervous system whilst still meeting your goal. 

And if dining out alone feels like a big task right now, you can also dine in alone – but make it a ritual. Light a candle, put on your favourite movie, have a glass of your preferred tipple, and get out of your PJs and into fresh, comfy clothes. This is a big step toward noticing that discomfort and combating it head-on. 

Make dining alone a rewarding and comfortable choice for yourself again. If you notice other solo diners wherever you go, chances are they are content and happy. Take their empowerment and make it your own. After all, Gen Z are in a loneliness epidemic, and you could be the solo diner that inspires someone else to take that first step toward tackling their discomfort. Or perhaps you could be the one to reach out to them in that moment of connection in a café. How great would that be?